Primos Hermanos

For some reason, yesterday afternoon, I didn’t switch the radio over, so as we parked, I heard Ana Hebra Flaster’s commentary about “Becoming More American Than Cuban.” Something that she said caught my ear – she was talking about “primos hermanos” or “cousin brothers” and how she and her cousins had all grown up together in the same duplex and that you knew you were a “primo hermano” when your aunts and uncles were as likely to scold you or give you candy as your own parents were. I had to smile while I was listening. Gracie has that with her cousins. In fact several months ago, my sister’s oldest daughter, Ruby, decided that calling Gracie her cousin just could not encompass all the things that they shared, so at three years old, with a very limited knowledge of Spanish, she coined her own version of “primos hermanos”. She and her sister, Emmie, are Gracie’s “big sister cousins”.

evacuated to my sister’s house at the end of last summer to escape Hurricane Ivan. The visit, which I expected to last no more than two days, stretched into two weeks. Aside from the circumstances that caused us to be there (150 mile an hour winds ripping through our neighborhood), the visit was wonderful. It was the most time I had spent with my sister since I left home for college 18 years ago and Gracie got to spend quality time with her cousins. For an eight-month-old baby who wasn’t in daycare yet and spent her days with her great-grandmother and her father, the experience of living day to day with other children was incredible. Ruby was Gracie’s constant companion – helping me bathe her, feed her, brush her wispy baby hair. She put up with Gracie pulling (not too gently) on her long, curly hair; she only giggled when Gracie threw regurgitated baby food at her. Sometime during our visit, Ruby decided that Gracie wasn’t just her cousin – her other cousins didn’t come to her house with all their worldly possessions, take over her Ladybug room, and basically follow her around like a shadow. Nope, only sisters do things like that. So, the “big sister cousin” was born and a bond between the three girls, two sisters and a cousin, was forged that has yet to (and hopefully never will) be broken.

I know that Gracie loves spending time with her cousins and that she’s disappointed when our visits with them are over. She usually spends the next couple of days looking slightly forlorn when she plays by herself and she’s far more interested than usual in spending time with Mommy. Two days after her first birthday party, Gracie came down with her first ear infection. My sister explained to Ruby that Gracie wasn’t feeling well. Ruby’s response, “Yeah, I know. She’s sad ‘cause she misses her big sister cousins.” That made as much sense to me as anything that the pediatrician said…

As we drove up to visit my sister, brother-in-law, and the girls last Friday, I wondered if the relationship between the three girls would be different this time. In the two months since Gracie last saw her cousins, she has changed from having one tentative toe in the toddler world into being completely immersed in toddler culture, including the requisite temper tantrums, toy snatching, and complete impatience with anyone who wants to hold her. Would Ruby be disappointed that the baby that she so loved to cuddle and pet would now more than likely punch her and scream like a banshee if she tried to pick her up and carry her? I shouldn’t have worried. Evidently, the big sister cousin relationship is an ever-evolving one and can handle little bumps in the road like one of the cousins learning to run, one of the cousins learning to potty train, and one of the cousins coming perilously close to turning that “big girl” age of four!

Somehow, in the last two months, the age gap between Gracie and Emmie has dissolved. They are on almost equal footing now. Sixteen months ago, they were infant and baby. A year ago they were baby and almost toddler. Two months ago, they were almost toddler and full-fledged toddler. Now, they’re both playing on the same field, both full-fledged toddlers. Heaven help us all! To watch them together is to fill your heart with sunshine. They talk to each other in that strange language of toddlers, part indistinguishable chatter and part clear language. “Gah, dudududududududu Gwacie!” says Emmie. Gracie replies “Mu mu mu mu mu mu mu Bye Bye!” and they understand each other. I watched them Sunday morning as they colored together on my sister’s kitchen floor. Emmie was sitting and Gracie was lying down as they colored and chattered. Every few seconds, they’d both get up and change positions and then settle back down together to color again. It was like watching a dance between two people who have known and loved each other all their lives. Which for Gracie is in fact the truth, and for Emmie is pretty close to the truth. They are as close in age as any two people in either of their families and it is a wonder to watch their relationship flourish.

Big Sister Cousins