Absolute Poppycock

My girls are generally the last ones to turn in their school permission slips.  They are the children who show up at school missing either their entire lunch or part of it; they are the ones wearing mismatched soccer socks on game day because I can’t find the set.  I am scatter-brained and disorganized and the girls often suffer at least the short-term consequences.  (I do get their permission slips turned in eventually and if they’re missing their lunches, I bring them before it’s time to eat, even if that means a quick run to Publix to pick up a oh-so-healthy Lunchable.)

Our house is usually much closer to a disaster area than something belonging in House Beautiful.  They don’t have as many play dates as they’d like, mostly because I can’t make them work with my crazy schedule and my lackluster housekeeping skills make spur of the moment company difficult to say the least.  They’re often later getting to bed than they should be because I haven’t managed to get dinner on the table until well after 7:00 p.m.

I worry about this. a lot.  I compare myself to other moms and I often feel inadequate, particularly when we’re out somewhere and I see a mom who has everything all organized and running smoothly and I can’t find water bottles, backpacks, school folders, my keys, my sunglasses.

Last night, though, none of that bothered me.  Last night it was okay that my daughters may not get the benefit of an organized, all-together mother.  They do get the benefit of a creative, playful one.  Their dinners are late, but we have a lot of picnics.  Their permission slips get signed slowly, be we’ve been a lot of places that don’t require permission slips.  Our house is often a disaster, but we do a lot of crafts that involve glue and paint and glitter.  a lot of glitter.

Last night we had a Glow In The Dark Easter Egg Hunt.  I saw the idea somewhere on the internet (and for the life of me, I can’t remember where!)and knew it was something that the girls would love.  I ordered the mini-lights and picked up some plastic eggs.  I already had the jewel-shaped eggs – they looked really cool with the lights.

Steve “hid” them around the yard – since they were glowing in the night, they weren’t hard to find.  We called the girls out and told them we wanted them to come look at the moon.  When they walked out the door and saw the yard aglow in Easter colors, they shrieked with joy.  And I smiled!

Abigail ran giggling round and round the yard and Gracie kept saying “This is sooooo cool!”

I need to work on my organizational and time management skills – I know I do.  But, at least for right now, I’m going to celebrate my strengths instead of beating myself up constantly for my weaknesses.  Yes, yesterday was chaotic, but there was a whole lot of laughter and that, at least in my eyes, is something to celebrate.

Fun test

Abigail had her tonsils and aednoids removed last Tuesday by a skilled surgeon wielding a cool little tool called a plasma knife.  Her recovery has been both better and worse than I expected.  She ran a low grade fever and had some significant pain for a few days after the surgery.  Both were easily handled with regular Tylenol and an occasional dose of Lortab.  I had to bribe her a couple of times to take the Lortab.  Just call me the kiddie drug dealer of our neighborhood.  “Here little girl…try this and I’ll go buy you a LaLaLoopsy doll!” 

I anticipated fever and pain.  But, the last couple of days, she’s had an upset stomach, most likely from the antibiotic she was prescribed by the doctor to reduce the risk of infection in the open wounds in her throat.  And she is tired, much more tired than I expected her to be.  Yesterday, she didn’t leave the bedroom except for a quick car ride with Steve to my mom’s house.  She has only left the house twice since Tuesday.  I’m sure that a lot of her weariness is from her lack of eating.  Tonight, at last, she is actually playing with some of her ponies and using her “pretend voices” for all the characters.  So, maybe we’ve turned a corner and tomorrow will be a better day. 

I am much more weary than I thought I’d be.  Part of that is worry and part of it is that Friday morning, I twisted my back horribly and spent the better part of two days in bed in some pretty rough pain.  Yeah, I have wonderful timing.  I thought that during Abigail’s recovery I would be super-productive – well, that just didn’t happen.  But, this is a new week, a new month, a new beginning.

This is the face of a child with ADHD. I have not blogged about it too much (more hints and innuendo than directly discussing it), not because I’m bothered by it, but because she has specific concerns about me blogging about her experiences. And, I respect her wishes on this. I’m completely and absolutely amazed by her bravery and her ability to confront this. Because she has some other diagnostic things going on (I know, again with the vagueness), she deeply feels the stigma (and yes, there is one…believe me there is) that goes with her ADHD.

I don’t feel I’m breaking her confidences by telling you this story.  If it turns out I am, I’ll take this post down.

This summer, Steve and I sat in the child neuropsychologist’s office and discussed Gracie’s test results.  We received her diagnoses and some of the things were painful to hear.  The news wasn’t all bad. Really, in hindsight, I don’t think any of the news was bad.  She was seven and two weeks into the second grade when we tested her.   The interesting part to me was the results of her aptitude tests.  The doctor told us that her math skills (her weak point) were on a third grade level, her reading skills on a fourth grade, and her spelling skills were above a fifth grade level.  Basically, the doctor said, she’s a seven-year-old who thinks like a ten-year-old.  Which I think helps to explain last night.

Yesterday, Gracie was tired and angry and a whole bunch of other exhausting emotions.  So, she sat down and started to write in her journal.  I could see the anxiety falling away from her as the words poured out onto the paper.  She came out a little while later and told me that she’d decided to write a book for children with ADHD to help them understand what they were feeling.  The book, she says, is going to have sections on famous people with ADHD (Eleanor Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, Robin Williams, Beethoven) and sections on how the children may feel and a final section on what they can do about it.

It blows me away.  I remember reading somewhere that the best way to help yourself feel better when you’re going through a difficult time is to help someone else.  I hope more than anything that I teach my daughters that learning from whatever experiences life throws at you is important, but that taking that knowledge and helping others with it is the most amazing thing of all.  I don’t know that I taught Gracie that – I think she just knows it instinctively.  I can’t tell you how much I love that girl.  I am proud to be her mother!